During the red carpet for the GQ Man of the Year party (note: this is not a party for the Lorde song), How Long Gone podcast hosts Jason Stewart and Chris Black asked Colbert the questions we were dying to know the answers to, like how much money he has in his 401k after retiring (“By retiring, you mean firing”) and if he was going to grow a beard like David Letterman (“I am going to stop waxing from the neck down.”) But the most important thing asked and wondered by stoners everywhere is what kind of joint was Colbert smoking during the cover shoot. Unfortunately, a man looking for his next job is not going to admit that he smokes weed, unless he’s going to be applying at a smoke shop. “You can’t prove that was a joint. Get a warrant,” he interjected when asked if it was indica or sativa. “I don’t know the diff — I do know the difference because I took eighth-grade health class.”

However, even if Colbert is looking for his next gig, he won’t be doing a podcast anytime soon, even if the job would let him smoke weed freely. “I’m not going to do a podcast,” he said proudly in the interview. “You cannot make me do a podcast. There’s nothing in the Constitution that says when you lose your TV show, you have to get a podcast. I don’t have a Substack, I don’t have a podcast.” Tell that to the Strike Force Five, Colbert!