It was a matter of minutes before Nicole Kidman was blamed for her split from Keith Urban. Since the news of their impending divorce broke on Sept. 29, one sexist trope after another was spewed by headlines and internet trolls. She was too sexual in her films. She worked too much. Her ambitious career and “intense work schedule” led to “irrevocable differences” in their marriage.

After 19 years of marriage, the public is desperate to know what went wrong. Daily Mail’s sources blamed her “bottomless need for sexual attention.” Page Six wrote that Urban “not-so-secretly hated” Kidman’s 2024 film, “Babygirl,” and an accusatory Radar headline read: “The Sex Scene Question at Heart of Nicole Kidman’s Split and How Her Latest Raunchy Flick Was ‘Last Straw’ for Keith Urban.”

In “Babygirl,” Kidman’s character, CEO and wife Romy, develops a sexual relationship with her much younger intern Samuel (Harris Dickinson) and grapples with wanting to feel “normal” despite her sexual desires. The film explores female liberation through sexual experimentation, turning power dynamics on their head and asking what it takes to achieve a “sex life that survives time,” the director told USA TODAY in December 2024. Its antithesis may indeed be a woman like Kidman being scorned for portraying sexual roles, and having the blame placed on her for a divorce when the public doesn’t actually know what happened between the pair.

Women bear the brunt of backlash in high-profile divorces

In the battle of public perception, women often take a hit when it comes to a public divorce. For celebrities, their relationship ups and downs can become the subject of international news headlines and social media trends, with each commentator ready to pinpoint whose actions ruined the marriage first.

Look to Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas’ highly publicized divorce in 2023 — she was called a “bad mom”; a source with supposed “direct knowledge” told TMZ that Jonas had been caring for their two young children “pretty much all of the time,” and Page Six reported that divorce was a “last resort” for Jonas, but “he had to take what he felt was the best course of action for his girls.”

Turner opened up about being “mom-shamed” in an interview with British Vogue in 2024: “It hurt because I really do completely torture myself over every move I make as a mother — mum guilt is so real! I just kept having to say to myself, ‘None of this is true. You are a good mum, and you’ve never been a partier.’”

Urban and Kidman are parents to daughters, 17-year-old Sunday Rose and 14-year-old Faith Margaret.

The narrative that divorces boil down to bad mothering is rooted in misogynistic tropes, such as that women shirking their stereotypical maternal responsibilities will tear families apart. Women are often expected to change their careers to accommodate motherhood, and aren’t praised for simply caring for their children. When a high-profile divorce comes into light, the first line of defense for protecting the man’s image seems to be framing him as the primary caregiver — and emphasizing how unnatural this dynamic should be seen as.

Kidman has already requested to be the primary residential parent of their two minor children, despite headlines that claimed her rigorous work life contributed to the couple’s split.

It hasn’t been all bad press for Kidman — plenty of social media users are rallying behind their adored AMC Theatres ambassador.

When People posted a headline on X that Kidman was more supportive of Urban’s career than he was of hers, many users were glad to see the man in a celebrity divorce get the bad press. Others have shared Kidman’s recent paparazzi shots, calling one outfit “the greatest revenge look.”

When the gossip gets out of hand

“Babygirl” has been at the center of divorce gossip — even Vulture quipped that “Nicole Kidman is Done Being Keith Urban’s Babygirl.”

At a time when women are already under fire for being “too sexual,” the jokes and tabloid gossip surrounding Kidman carry weight.

There’s been a rise in popularity of trad wife influencers, who promote “traditional” values and gender roles, a push from male podcasters for conservatism and an influx of female Trump voters. Sabrina Carpenter’s backlash for being too provocative onstage and in her lyrics came amid other recent viral posts claiming that “hook-up culture doesn’t benefit women.”

Shaming women for being too sexual — or in Kidman’s case, taking on expressively sexual roles in her career — underscores the stereotype “that women should be pure,” Meredith Ralston, author of “Slut-Shaming, Whorephobia, and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution,”. “The language is really meant to silence women and keep them in their place.”

Ultimately, this fixation reflects the rise of modern-day internet police who dissect, judge and mock others behind a screen. This takes agency away from women, who are constantly forced to consider how their appearance and sexuality are perceived, and are targeted for being either too sexual or not sexual enough.

“Memes look playful, but they’re pretty powerful,” Miriam L. Wallace, the Dean of the College of Liberal Arts and Social Sciences at the University of Illinois-Springfield.

“Everybody knows this is a thing, so we can laugh at it,” Wallace explained. “But we also believe it at the same time, and that’s when it gets really dangerous.”